When I first came here, I was so happy and excited about
everything. Everything was great and I was sure I’ll never miss home. People
who have been in my situation kept telling me, it’s 3 to 4 months when you
start feeling home sick. I laughed at them.
After my first 3 months here, I was having a really hard
time. I was feeling lost. Like I had been feeling before I came here and
somehow thought moving would fix that. I realized how hard it can be, to be
pulled out from everything and everyone familiar and placed somewhere you’ve
never been at. I reckon my biggest problem was my expectations. I thought that
Australia would be everything I ever wanted and dreamed off. And I didn’t know
what to do when it wasn’t.
I wouldn’t say I got home sick, I just realized that
everything wasn’t as I expected it to be. And how lonely and far for everything
familiar I was. How hard it was not being able to call my sisters or my best
girlfriend whenever I was feeling down or tell them daily how’s everything
going and what I’m going through.
Let’s just say after all my travelling I’m used to people being
very curious and chatty towards foreigners. Whenever I’ve encountered people on
my previous trips they’ve been curious, chatty and friendly. I’ve made heaps of
good friends and I’ve always felt like they understand how lonely traveling
solo can sometimes be. Here, when I went
to see my cousin’s friends with him for the first time, no one said a word to
me. Normally people would at least introduce themselves. Whenever something
like this have happened, I’ve been thinking to myself, what’s wrong with me or
did I do something wrong?
I’ve always been very social person but here, making friends
seemed hard. I mean, you meet a lot of interesting people but they are not friends
who you can talk about everything. And believe me I tried to get to know them
better. I’ve invited people to go to do a bush walk, a yoga class or just hang
out. Never happened.
So yeah, I spent almost 3 months at my aunties house doing
nothing. My cousins were working or at school and my auntie had her work and
friends. Work was hard to get, because I’ve never worked in Australia before.
Friends were hard to make and I don’t have a car (Or a license) So It was also
hard to get around. I spent a lot of time in my room and felt stupid and worthless.
I did stuff I wouldn’t normally do. I went drinking often since all my new ‘’friends’’
wanted to see me when they were drunk. I felt like I had to go. I had to do my
part. I’ve always needed a reason to go out partying and drinking heavily has
never been my thing. I was a mess.
Then I started to realize that If this isn’t what I want to
do and where I want to be I need to do something about it. I started to plan
what to do next and where to go. I figured big cities are more approving and
have more people in my situation so It’s easier to make friends with people who
understand you. I started to spend more time with one of my new acquaintances
who was always been easy to talk to. He became my best friend.
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| Three sisters at the blue mountains |
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| Kurnell |
I realized that I had been stressing out about wasting my time
and I took actions to go and do my regional work to get my 2nd year
visa. I did all my courses and met new people. Different people. All around the
world. I also organised and planned all kinds of nature walks and trips I
always wished to do. I moved to another town. I got heaps of new friends out of
my countless housemates. I started working with awesome co-workers. Few of them have visited me here in Melbourne. Stuff started to work out. Because I did something
about it.
I’ve been here for almost 10 months now and I still don’t
know if I’d want to stay. I do know that I don’t want to go back to what my
life was. Just to be clear there was nothing wrong with my life in Finland, I
have heaps of friends and a big family. I went and did a lot. It’s just, I know
that I want more from my life and I feel that I can’t accomplish those things
back in Finland.
I realized my happiness is about what I do not about what other people
do or think of me.
Awesome :)
ReplyDeleteVoi rakas <3
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